May 26, 2005

• No-Fly Zone

  
  

  I have declared my bathroom a “no-fly zone.”  What?  you’re probably asking.  That’s right.  I don’t want houseflies in my bathroom.  Since Sunday I’ve probably killed 50 of those nasty things, and they’ve been the big dive-bomber type, not the little pesky ones. 

  
  

  Where these things are coming from, I do not know, and why they have chosen my bathroom for this infestation is beyond me.  I promise, I flush every single time, and there’s nothing nasty in there that doesn’t go down into the septic tank immediately. 

  
  

  We don’t have these things in any other room in the house, so I don’t think they’re coming in when we open doors.  We keep the windows closed all the time because of the air conditioning, and we have screens on all the windows against the outside chance that one day the weather will be such that we can open them.  That actually happened for a couple of days about a year ago, but I doubt flies can live that long.  Of course, hybernation is possible in our house, thanks to Beth, but I don’t think that’s the explanation.

  
  

  I had been fly-free for the last 24 hours until a few minutes ago.  I went into my bathroom to, well, use it, and I found 3 flies.  I killed 2, but the 3rd one got away.  That one should have been an easy kill, but I choked and missed it.  It had a little red spot on it, so I think it must have been the Queen Fly or something like that.  Leave it to me to miss the pay load.

  
  

  Last night I chased one through our bedroom out into the hall.  I batted it down the stairs with my hand, and I must have stunned it.  I took great relish in squashing that thing with my shoe.  What I’m telling you is these flies have become a kind of obsession with me.  How dare they invade my home in such numbers!  If it was later in the summer, I’d go outside and catch every damn frog and lizard I could find to put them on the case.  Frogs and lizards don’t bother me one bit, but flies do.  At least the flies confine themselves to the space between the blinds and the window panes in my bathroom.  But why me?  Why am I condemned to re-live the plagues of Genesis?  And me without a lamb in sight.

  
  

  Update since I just wrote that: I just got the one that got away.  After I killed it I pulled up the blinds, and the window was clear.  Once again I’m living in a ”no-fly zone.”  I’ll keep you posted.

  
  

  ED 

  • 11:02 pm
  • 1 Comment